Before I get to the best stuff, I want to tell you that I am the Perfect Little Man (PLM). That's what the new lady and Man call me all the time. I am the PLM because I don't yodel in my crate anymore, and I know where to pee, and I do a down-stay before dinner for a very long time, and I love all of the cats except Kika. Kika hisses at me all the time, even when I put my bottom in the air and open my little troll mouth at her. I will make her love me soon I think. Don't worry, I have a plan. This is me thinking about my plan while I wait for breakfast.
The lady also gave me a bath and it was acceptable because I got treaties afterwards. And the lady said I smelled de-li-cious. I think I smelled mostly like sour cream and chives, but this makes the lady happy so I endure it.
I hate the vacuum cleaner and I chase it around because I think it wants to slurp me up and make me twirl around in the tube with all of the other grungies on the floor. But I am not a grungie. I am the PLM, so I yodel at it to tell it No! I'm not going in there, you bad vacuum!
So, here's the best part of part deux of my new life. Tigger the cat peed in my bed. Tigger is 17 years old and the lady says he has "de-men-tia," so he does things that other cats think is strange. When I found out he peed in my bed, I skipped right over there and did the happy dance all over it. And then I rolled my little body up and down and made sure it was all in the crevices and behind my ears. This way, I can sneak up and be a part of the secret cat meetings without being noticed. And I can get extra breakfast when the lady feeds them, and I can make Kika realize I am cat and she should should stop hissing at me and maybe even let me carry her around like a princess. They won't even know they have a PLM in their midst! Genius!